E-mail

I no longer open the bathroom door  without  using a paper towel in his hands, do not drink more soda with lemon or orange slices without worrying about the thousands of bacteria on the shell; 

I no longer use the remote control in hotel rooms  because they do not know what the last person was doing while surfing the adult channels;
 
I have trouble shaking the hand  of someone who was driving because someone's favorite pastime is driving nose-picking;
 
I can not pick up a lady's purse for fear she has placed on the floor of a public toilet; 
I have to send a special thanks to whoever sent me a message saying the rat poop in the glue of envelopes because I now use a damp sponge for every envelope that needs to be sealed. For the same reason,  brush vigorously each tin before opening it ; 

I've got no savings  because I gave to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is to die for one . 387 . 258 instead.
 
I have no more money  but this will change once I receive the $ 150,000 that Bill Gates / Microsoft  and UOL will send me to participate in the special program of e-mail. 
I do not care more about my soul  because I have 363 . 214 angels watching over me, and the novena to St. Theresa  met all my desires.
 
I can no longer have a drink in a bar because I can wake up in a bathtub full of ice without my kidneys. 
I can no longer use cancer-causing deodorants  even smelling like a buffalo on a hot day.

THANK YOU learned that my prayers will be answered only if I send an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

THANKS TO YOUR CONCERN  I do not drink more Coca Cola because it can remove stains on toilets.

I do not feed the car  without having someone watching the car so a serial killer does not come in the back seat while I'm fueling. 
I do not drink more Pepsi or Fanta  because the people who produce these products are atheists and refused to put in cans "Made by God."

And Thanks for telling me  that I can not heat a cup of water in the microwave because it can explode in my face .... and disfiguring me for life. 

I'm not going to the cinema  because I was told that I could be pricked by a pin infected with AIDS when I sit.

I do not go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
 
I do not get more packages from UPS or FedEx delivery drivers because in reality are undercover agents of Al Qaeda.

And I do not answer more phone  because someone will ask me to dial a number by which I will receive a bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan,

THANK YOU I do not use other private than mine because a big black snake may be hiding inside the toilet and kill me instantly when poking my butt. 

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT COUNCIL  I do not get down more to get a coin lying on the floor of the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex maniac who will be waiting to grab me from behind when I bend down ... 

I do not drive my car over buying gasoline because of some companies, I'm supporting Al Qaeda and buy from other companies, I'm supporting the South American dictators.

I do not touch more in my garden  because I'm afraid I'll be bitten by the spider wood and my hand will fall. 

I keep my toothbrush in the room , so I do not run the risk of contaminating it with bacteria from the toilet. 


If you do not send this email to at least 144 . 000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head tomorrow afternoon at 17h, and flies to 120 camels will infest your back, causing the growth of a huge hairy hump. I know this will happen because it happened to the hairdresser's best friend's second cousin's husband's mother in my neighbor ....




Oh, and by the way ....
A German scientist from Argentina discovered after long study, people with little brain activity read their e-mail with your hand on the mouse.

Do not worry about taking it, it's too late!